Satisfeitos

Hoje foi um dia por demais especial. Daqueles que parecem domingo. Isto é, que terminam com aquela preguiça arrastada de como começou. No entanto eu vejo dois olhos e duas maçãs-verdes na face de uma criança. Essa criança que está fresquinha de um banho e me diz que gostaria de ser uma formiguinha, enquanto caminhávamos na rua aqui perto de casa. Uma mente adulta imaginaria que essa criança é muito nova ainda pra sentir necessidade de desaparecer ou se tornar invisível. Mas para a surpresa comum do mundo adulto, ela diz: "É que daí eu teria uma enorme família!!!!!". Sim. Todas as formigas têm um parentesco com elas mesmas. Eu nunca havia percebido isto. Havia percebido somente que elas carregam uma misteriosa mensagem que se faz necessária à todas, sem exceção. Daí, ao lado daquele garotinho de cinco anos eu me senti contemplada. Contemplada por conviver com uma criança VIVA.

Mais tarde... Bem mais tarde, perdi a sintonia. Comecei a viver num mundo de ilusões cruéis e de falas impossíveis. Porque, às vezes, refugio-me num espaço vazio à fim de o preencher com ilusões, que ainda assim tenho consciência de as estar criando. Na verdade, esta é a mais mesquinha das ilusões, que assim podem (por vezes) também serem ilusões transvertidas em devaneios doces e infantis. Porém, jamais puros. Desses devaneios que gostaríamos de ser realidade e não nos satisfazemos com meras idéias mirabolantes.

Ohhh bem. Na varanda apaguei uma chama, que foi ralo abaixo. Banho. Desespero e vontade de tornar esta alma suja, em espumas. Ralo entupido. A noite chega e dá lugar à criatividade e eis que me aparecem botões e placas de pregar coisas. Botões, sempre gostei de botões. Estou aí com um projeto novo. Abro uma caixa de fotos e começo a chorar. Mas aquela mesma criança me indaga: "Você está chorando, Kuká?". Com olhos vermelhos e úmidos eu respondi que sim. "Mas cadê as lágrimas?"_ Meu irmão me perguntou. E logo depois sabiamente respondeu: "Já sei!!_Disse com olhos espertos.

_"As lágrimas são da cor da pele.".

invernos....

O inicio da espera estava cheio de excitação, olhares curtos e de calafrios. É bom sentir que se tem carne e assim explorar nervos jamais sentidos. Foi bom. Sim, o começar...premeditar as falas, as entonações e os perfis. Imaginava uma mesa e lá estava dançando com vermelhas unhas e bonecas russas. Rosas, cinto, negro, sangue. Latente vazio se transformara. A espera, fitar o objeto, as horas... O dia corre, as pessoas fogem. Você? Não se importa. Vazio. Ainda há uma esperança para um telefonema. Tolice.

_”Alô, não vou mais,estou preso num engarrafamento...,estou saboreando outras salivas..., quem é mesmo você?. Você? oras...vejo-lhe nos dias impostos, aqueles de minha agenda, de meus horários. Seu número, apagarei. Ahh existe Google, vá lá. Ache o que procuras. Não estou.”

Fico com os ouvidos doces, a fala certa e trêmula. A vontade de escutar seu toque. Sei que não há interesse por mim. Não sei o que seria. Você é incógnita que se esconde atrás de sorrisos. Que música sentes? Que mundo vês? Audácia minha, sim. Deveria escutar aquele barbudo na sarjeta. “Espere sempre o pior do mundo, minha filha...”. Mas não consigo. Espero o melhor, pois já o tive por várias vezes. Pra ser sincera, nem magoada estou. É irritante esta sensação de não sentir. Acontece que eu gosto de surpresas e você seria uma. Surpresa que minha intuição previu. Aqui deito e sinto pó em minha face. Este que prepara passagens de risos cintilantes e infernos rubros. Paraíso. Mas agora já não me importa. Vejo-me sozinha, vejo-me caída. Uma força, porém, se esconde não sei onde. Queria uma lâmina para lavar este rosto ruge, este lânguido batom, e estes olhos desacreditados. Rasparia de mim esta fascinação pelo que não me é bom. Arrancaria esta derme, que emerge toda minha solidão pálida. Esta pele oleosa que não vivera a patinação de corpos em vapor. Paixão, fugaz e infantil. Ou melhor, todas as paixões são infantis...É a magia de voltar a ser criança.

Criança eu, que se desilude pouco a pouco com seu mundo adulto. Que insiste em acreditar nas pessoas e que vê corações bons. Monstro, também sou. Que tem desejos sombrios e impulsos que marcam. Certeiro olhar que esconde uma mente, um coração e uma pele flutuante.

A fuga

É bom fugir. Fugir assim e se sentir livre. Enclausurada pelos elementos presentes no cotidiano. Necessidade de viajar. Libertar. O cobertor, o computador, os armários, o quarto, os xingamentos silenciosos, o descontentamento. Aqui é mais feminino. A rua, a praça, as crianças, a brisa, a grama, a Lua e a paz. Sim, ha pessoas. Pessoas, substantivo feminino.

A new Life between the old routine.

Hi there!!!!

I really don't know how to start this, so I'd better start telling about things I did not know, and I still do not...
Well I did not know it'd hurt this much to leave my "last reality" and that that'd be so uneasy to stay here...it's like living between to parallels and not belonging to none of them. Then I must use a bit of imagination to make things look "better" now...

It was marvelous to see him. the first thing he said when he saw me at the airport was :" WOWWWWWWWWW You are so FAT , KUKA" lol lol , my mum did not recognized me, just my dad did. It was funny! But now look, isn't him the cutest thing ever!? Still, I’m trying to get used to the fact that having a little brother can be very annoying at times.

On the first week seeing some of the friends, and look...we are not addicted to anything...we only somoke when we drink, and we only drink when we play ;)

Here above is Pompéia, the best thing from my city, my best friend. Wonderfull to see her again, and impressing how we can still put up with one another after this time. True friend, for a real life.

FAMILY! Looking a bit different, I've lost 6kgs on the first month. =)))))) Now it's getting harder to loose, but still, it's great to loose some pounds. LOVE Good to feel at home.

My boys
Half here, half there....
I know I can manage her to go nuts!!!
"White girls of the north, A latent power I know they hide, To keep some hope alive... "

Coz I love them.
Ohh bastard..........
NOW A SELECTION OF PICTURES OF PEOPLE AND PLACES I'VE PASSED THROUGH IN SOME TRIPS HERE IN BRAZIL.

He was nice and loves to drink and tell stories. what a strange thing on his neck=0 this was a trip i took with Camila to Ouro Preto [Black Gold], the most prosperous place in Brazil on 18th century. And it was once the capital of Brasil as well. and here it is funny coz it is saying "tudo usado" which means "everything's used" . Yep, true it is.
Where was he mind?

Has anyone read "The Book"?! lol
Barbearia is the place where men go to have their beard and hair done. I've always had a admiration for these places, and i found one!

We are not allowed to take pictures, all there yellow things you can see is GOLD. yeah, pure gold. Don't tell anyone, but I took one picture that day. Could not resist.

Wine, music, good company and History alive in our hearts. Youth Exchange way of life ;)

I swear I'll tell more later...

THAT WAS HOW WE STARTED A DREAM!

Long was the time I've waited to do this. To meet the people I've met, to do the things I've done... Beautiful were the dreams and illusions, hard was to face a reality we’d never expect. But I've gone through, we've done that. We had broken the barrels, we had to challenge ourselves and who we thought we were. It was never supposed to be easy. We had to meet the several "ourselves" in the world. We've done that. We made it man! It is still so hard to come back to what some people call "reality". It is still a habit to dream about New Zealand every night and wake up with a good sensation, with a taste that only who've lived it knows.
These things only happened bcoz we went aboard with AFS. I wish well all the volunteers. Thanks life.
We were all exchanges meeting in Auckland. We had only one thing to share, our love and our learning. We were so different, we've gone through too many things, yet we still had lot's in common. We knew we were "loosing" our tracks. We knew that maybe we'd never see each other again. Fraternity was in the air. New Zealand in our hearts will always remain.

Friends for life, friends for party, friends for thought... Tínhamos que nos conhecer, foi maravilhoso, aconteceu... Do sorriso tímido à Gargalhadas histéricas de madrugada...De Fish and Chips com os tios "Fifty Three" à filosofar em frente ao pacifico de leve...de boa... Das party pills à Vodka perdida em frente a boate do "puto", do Brasil ao Mundo, sempre nos sentir unidas por um tempo e por uma alegria tonta e infantil, por uma vontade de mudar o mundo, por uma vontade de aprender sempre mais...Sorrir como sorrimos, dançar como dançamos e "castelar"como castelamos. "As lágrimas agora são cartões postais..." Biza e Júlion em meu coração! FOREVER CRAMBLED!!!-Auckland NZ

Rafa e clone!!!! Diário de Motocicleta na nova Zelândia!!! Um dia perfeito, imagens perfeitas, sorrisos e abraços... Da capital das artes, dum lugar que hei de voltar um dia. Wellington NZ!
Brazilian Embassy

"Anchors aweigh!" coz the sea refuses no river...And the trip is over...Christmas is on the corner now.

These are my host brows, and all MEN in that house MUST staying the kitchen cleaning. You see, how things work ;) lol
I loved these crows, we dont have it in Brazil. Christmas evening...
Christmas breakfast. Bacon, eggs and Champaing. lol
Christmas in a cold country. A true, genuine Christmas tree with that amazing smell... That was beautiful. It was, since my childhood, the first time I've been happy about Christmas...no worries, just being happy! Missing family and friends...but still...
Jog( my kiwi dog) on Chrtmx day
And the Christmas mouse was gone... This was amazing!!!!! They burn the cake and we find little coins inside! Crazy kiwis....


Isn't that beautiful!? and the guys made it =)

And here we are... Boxing day. Alice and Sarahlee these two are responsible for making my exchange be complete. My kiwi friends who we had no much time together, but enough to make sure I want to see you guys again. They are not only "cool kiwis", finally people with personality, special girls, great times...
People loose their shoes when they go to Rock and Roll concerts. Coz it ROCKS!!
"Eighteen years, favorite band on your childhood place..." I knew how much it meant and I'm so glad we were together. I'm so glad we are friends. Kia Ora, I love you two.( ok, i should've better pictures... Remember watching The Piano? I'll never forget...Remember the talks on the bus? And the singing.. oh my gosh!!!! Those were good times...I'll miss you! Thanks Sralee I'll show how I'm using our Shihead's tshirt here in brazil.
knew they were Kamasutra draws!! I loved it!!! lol

Sweet, just before New Years, at Baylys. All the McNabs ( expect James) It is always good to be at Baylys, it is always good to be with them.
Back to Mangawhai for the last time!
" No, it is not for good..." I'll be back and see how summer rocks in that place...Still I love the Atkins, and I'm always gonna remeber well about them. ( I need new Pictures!!)
I love these trees! Last day in NZ! 3rd January 2007 Going home?!
Hole in the rock, Bay of Island, last day with my family!
And still hurts a lot just to think about it.
Tears coming down... I love this woman so much! She's responsible for my eternal happiness...I thank her all my life along.
And "mum" made me this Pavlova ( traditional kiwi food) ...Last night....
That was the day i had to say good bye. So long, to all of them "Mesmo com tantos motivos pra deixar tudo como estar...

Nem desistir nem tentar agora tanto faz...

Estamos indo de volta pra casa"

" AROHA KOE AOTEAROA"

Last camp...last faces? we never do know! It is a small wolrd afterwards!! !!!!!

Here we all go! Everybody meeting up @ McDonalds...Jasmin and I waited ages..sun cracking our heads..but everybody was @ Burger king...here we go! Arriving there I noticed some people "ignored" me ! lol Whoz that? "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" Is it you!? lol yepppp On the bus all went great! eevrybody tryn to enjoy the most and I don't think any1 had an idea what was to come... I TOLD ya they came from BELGIUM!!!! LOL

And believe you or not htis POLITICIAN was at the fish n chips, he's famous in NZ i don't knw his name tho! Any1 do to this tattoo!? I'm having my KORU with the MOON done on january!

Putahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

At the Gumdiggers Park, which had Kauri timber dated at more than 100,000 years old and could be seen onsite and in the gum holes along with the kauri gum. Amazing how there are studies related to climatic studies ad these trees...

Hey Sweetie!!!! I'll miss ya! and one day imagine we riding bike at ur village!?just doing all those things we were talking about, remeber?! Heyyy meet you in Auckland!!

Just a bloody spider...They sell these stuff...
Heeeeeeeeeeeahhhh We arrived at the Marae...

Trip to Cape Reinga! 90 mile beach! which is actually 90km!

happy folks!

Horrible picture!Whose the one who has the other camera???????ehehe

I luvd meeting ya! such a shame I gotta go!The "new ones" were cool people! We could "put up" with them! lol Nahh, rly neat ppl! this camping was rly g8, everything went flowing rly well! take, Elsa, an enjoy ur rest of echange! all of you!

Becoz I just luvd meeting this girl! I luvd this pic coz itz natural..as well as you are, Ragnhild! We def going to keep in touch! luv u lotz =)

bahhhhhhh

Hum Robocop gay!? Hey Paul u funny bloody norwegian boy! It was aesum to go to da waterfalls with you and Ragnhild! i hope u guys had a great time trampping as well!

I tried to find out about this bulding but i did not find anything..im curious now...

Countryside with send sunnes...say no more..pnly in AOTEAROA!

hey buddie!

Yeaaaaaah! Finally at Cape Reinga! I wish we had more time there, because the place was just gorgeous! I luvd it!!! BRASIL mostra tua cara!!!!!!!!!!!

Portugal and BraSil!that's history, thatz us!!! Luvd meeting you minha Lusitana! Gostaria de lhe entender mais! hahahaah Beijos mil!

Wher abt is ur place?!!?!? Geeeeeeeeee look at Stephhh! Man this pic is aesum!!

"As you look out over the sea, you can see and feel how spiritually important this area is to Maori. It is believed that after death, Maori spirits travel up Ninety Mile Beach to Cape Reinga. Using seaweed as ropes, they travel down the hill to the pohutukawa tree, believed to be over 800 years old, at the northernmost tip of the Cape. The spirits make their final leap from the tree, down the roots, and then return to Hawaiiki, the ancestral homeland of Maori. Cape Reinga is known by Maori as Te Rerenga Wairua, the leaping place of the spirits." There's no need to say nthing else! this place was fantastic!!

Hey Kikiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!! Ya seem to be 72736275years old browwwww! Take care! luv ya heaps!? Remeber the stairs???

_"Ohhh SHIT!"
_"I just dont wanna see pornography, Kiki!"

auhaua those were one of the funniest days ever!!!!Why is Japan in the other side?! Why Brasil!? nahh Itz such a small world....

90 mile beach and the bus broke! I was so glad! we had more 40 minutes to stay with each other in that aesum place! even tho we were starving and on the way back we were singging Pokarekare Ana, it was aesum!!!

"Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being a part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend holds your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end."

Dramatic and natural: pure beauty!

Wherz ur hood!? Coz we r da gangsta! And also on this camp i think i heard the most beautiful language I've ever heard..this fellow above talking in turkish with his friend..is just amazing! i wanna learn it now!(as well as 289336other languages :P

Repare essas velas no cais, que a vida eh cigana...... [sori folks no way to translate this...]

Hangiii! I luv hangi! Kumara on Hangi! I founf out a "take aways" of Hangi here at my neigborhood, jst aesum!

COZ I LUV THIS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting for the day to cum! I just wanted to stay a bit longer with the ones I might never see again...The following "day" we went to da beach and it was so perfect! kiki and tara, i'd join u guys, but i had nt got my togs! [nahh lame excuse..no way i'd throw myself in that ICE! You guys are insane! Couldnt be anyone else, but KIKI AND TARA! Luv u ppl!

Bcoz we r the Ganstahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

"All my bags are packedIm ready to go

So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that youll wait for me

Hold me like youll never let me go

Cause Im leavin on a jet plane

Dont know when Ill be back again

Oh babe, I hate to go"

Far out..I jst could not stop crying... Becoz it was d abest year of our lifes and Aotearoa is gonna be always half of us!

Who was sleeping on the way to Waitangi?????????

"Sola... en el muelle de San blas...Génetique en bandouillèreDes chromosomes dans l'atmosphèreDes taxis pour les galaxiesEt mon tapis volant dis ?Le vent l'emporteraTout disparaîtra maisLe vent nous portera" Alwaysssssssssssssssssssss those days...Alwaysthose holidays! luv ya bana spliT! "This is what they do in New Zealand"

"Can you imagine when this race is wonTurn our golden faces into the sunPraising our leaders were getting in tuneThe musics played by the madmenForever young, I want to be forever youngDo you really want to live forever, forever and ever..."

And the day finishes with a yamm dinner with my host family.... So that was it, an perfect aesum weekend with AFS buddies from all over the world. It just brought some of us, even closer...I'm glad for this year..For the hard and great times...Even for my over 13 Kgs! O'm glad for the friendships and crazy stuff I've been doing!!! I'll never forget *some*(lol) of you guys!!!We made it! The best year of our lifes!

Aroha Aotearoa!!!!

Ka kite a no!

Best Wishes and "Flowing huf" to everyone!!

Coz being crazy is being GREAT!

_"Tah vindo o arroto pere ae"

_"Os Frodos..."

_"Eu jah mijando um rio aqui jah..."

_"Nossa que bosta arroto preso"

_"Nossa tah tudo escuro nao vai aparecer nada, to que nem um gnomo aqui..."

_"Oww acho que coisas maisi facil que ver gnomos eha gente aqueles possuns...Aquele que estao sempre mortos na Australia..."

_"Ahhh êêêêêê?"

_"Nao! Na Nova Zelandia!"

_"A éééééééééééééééééééééh"

_ auhauahauhauahuahauha

_Tchal!!!

Novemba

Katchfire concert! Who can't go to U2 goes to Katcha, and it was fun! Vamos dancar esse Rageeeee!!!

Mahhhhhhhhhhh And i At pack n save parking lot eating chicken! Shittttttttttt, man It was aesum! Our chicken pre Night! lol

Mahh and I @ Katchfire concert! It was da bloody night life in whangarei!

Thatz US BROWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! yeah Yeahssssssss lol

Moviment against woman violence, here in whangarei.

look at this boy! he wa smy favourite! I just luvd to do volunteer work!

Going to Baylys, at the Golf club! lol It was fun! Believe me or not!

Hang over saturday morning in town! nothing that a coffee can't help with! All da South American gurls! I'll miss you guys! I'm sureu r hvn a g8 tym back home!